Becoming a Single Mother
Becoming a single mother was never part of the plan.
But that's how life works isn't it? You make plans and the universe goes LOL I don't think so.. I think my biggest fear of becoming a single mother was what if I'm not enough. What if what I had to offer wasn't enough for my son. How would I teach him how to pee standing up? Or how to clean his bits and bobs (see I can't even say the correct word without giggling)
And falling in love again? Will I ever find someone that loves Israel as much as I do? Will they understand that they wouldn't come first? I don't even come first anymore..
When my relationship to Israels dad ended I was overcome with worry, guilt and doubt. But then I stepped back and thought what is really different from when I was in a relationship? I'm no better or no worst.. my love isn't any less because I'm single. It doesn't make me any less of a person.
I don't know why there is such a stigma around being a single mother. I often get told "how brave" I am or "why did I choose to become a single mom?" and in all honestly I do not feel brave and I didn't choose this life, but that's how life goes sometimes. You have to play the cards you are dealt. And although being a single mother isn't easy, i can't remember the last time I slept the whole night or peed in peace, it's the most rewarding job I've ever done. Sure I have my days where I want to throw israel in the bin or have 5 minutes to myself. But that's like any other job isn't it, you have good days and bad days.
The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself and accepted a situation I couldn't change was the day my life turned around.
Now I try not to stress myself out and over think things. Who knows what the future holds for me and Israel, I might meet my husband tomorrow and then I'll never have to teach him how to pee standing up! Who knows! I take things day by day now, one step at a time. I was told God never gives you things you cannot handle, so I know I can over come this struggle. I feel stronger every day, I just hope when Israel grows up he is proud of me. Becoming a mother was one of the best things that ever happened to me, single or not.
Love Lucia Simone x