Embrace The Evolved You

Instagram - Zuri_lefleur

Okay so, here's something I really want to talk about. Identity as a Mother.

I thought to myself the other day, why is it that almost everyone I know that has had a child, has turned into a Mum blogger or vlogger lol. I love it, really I do but it makes me think about this topic I want to discuss.

After having my first child, the one thing I heard a lot was how much I had changed. After having my second, people didn't even know me anymore. Like who is this person that has taken over Tobi’s body?! It bothered me, definitely bothered me a lot and it put pressure on me. At a stage I felt the need to try and go back to who I was. (What does that even mean?!) I would promise people I can come to an event just so I would keep getting invited for things, FOMO definitely got the best of me!, but that only led to me constantly letting people down as most times the reality was, I just couldn't make it. I was the first of my close friends to become a Mum and with that role came my new image as ‘The flake’ I am known as the flake because for one reason or another I can't make most things. Eventually, I just turned inwards and didn't even desire to go out anymore. I basically became an introvert. I never wanted to leave my house, my children, my home became my comfort zone and I never wanted to leave it. All because I had ‘changed’ and literally didn't know how to be me, because who was I now? This got to me because automatically when you hear ‘you have changed’ you assume that to mean, you're boring now.

I started this piece talking about blogging and vlogging Mum's right? This is why! No matter who I talk to or where I am, I talk about my children (I’m sure we all do). If nobody asks I will bring them up, no matter what the topic is, someway somehow I bring my children into it, yes I have become one of those Mum’s! A big part of this is because honestly, what else do I talk about? So when I see that Mum's want to blog and vlog about being Mum's, I think do they feel how I feel? I’m not bashing it, I almost started my own Mum blog too, but I just need to get a message out to Mothers out there.

A ‘change’ when you have children is going to come, took me over three years to learn this but, a changed you is really just a new you. There is no way you can have a child and remain the same, It’s not possible. It’s okay for certain things and even people to no longer appeal to you, It’s okay to let certain mannerisms go, it's okay to want to stay indoors instead of going out. Don't get me wrong, Mothers should have fun, even I can manage that from time to time lol, but my point is, don't feel bad when you can't. Life has changed, keep elements of yourself but embrace the changes that come with Motherhood.

I went through this identity crisis thing for so long because I didn't know how to have fun as a Mother and also because I didn't have many close Mummy friends I could do things with. I closed in on myself because I felt no one found me fun anymore. I had changed. Isolation is not a solution when you become a Mum, learn that from me. I’m learning to live with my new views on life, learning that it's okay to decline an invitation without having to over explain yourself or giving someone false hope of maybe you can make it, I’m learning that it's okay to love some people from a distance because you're not at the same pace or place in life anymore. It's okay to want to leave a party and go home to your family instead, it's also okay to want to have a break from your family and go to a party. There’s no need to feel bad about changing, just add some sparkle and shine in your new chapter.

Find your balance and embrace the evolved you.

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© 2020 The Motherhood Group, Coordinators of Black Maternal Mental Health Week UK