Amanda Geijs' TTAM

Sometimes I really hate pregnancy... Feeling sad for no reason, crying, feeling lost and then when that is over it's the constant peeing at night or my sore sides from laying on my said the whole time, Braxton hicks contractions for no reason at all, going almost freaking blind and feeling dizzy from laying on my back, feeling so exhausted and tired that I rather stay in bed and pee myself because I can't get up, the heavy stomach, going to work, staying polite, trying not to show the pain when possible, the weird nightmares, the cramps in the legs, the serious back pain, having to go to physiotherapy, the worries about your baby when you don't feel movement, having cravings and not being able to get it, having to socialize, a boyfriend that doesn't understand how difficult all of this is so still dares to be moody once in a while and I can't even get angry or say something because I don't even have the energy to get angry...

Since yesterday I feel like I'm losing myself I wish I had the energy to scream or something.

Now that I am pregnant I am starting to understand the love my mom has for me more and more And I start to understand her actions more And thinking back at some of the things I did or said really hurt my heart now because now I understand the pin she must have felt or when I stayed out late and having her sit at home worrying thinking she was overreacting No she was just being an amazing mom My pregnancy has not been easy I have been hospitalized at least 4 times And the pain I have felt and discomfort I have gone through so far... I can't even put it in words But the crazy thing is whenever I got to the ER the first thing I asked and needed to know is if my baby girl is alright And as soon as I heard the doctors said yes it's like some peace came over me and all of a sudden I didn't care about the pain I was feeling anymore and just focused on my baby girl There are times I'm super sad or frustrated and cry uncontrollably but then I feel her kicking and it puts a smile on my face immediately It's like she's telling me it's alright and letting me know it's just my hormones and I'm tripping I feel so proud and amazing when I'm walking outside with my bump and people stare at me and all though my back is killing me and my pelvic instability makes it almost impossible to walk I walk as if I'm training for a marathon because my doctor said it's good for her! I love my parents and I love my man but never have I experienced this kind of love I would give and do everything for my baby girl and the crazy thing is if I had to go through all the pregnancy pain all over again and all the nights at the hospital.... For her I would ! I haven't seen her yet but in my dreams we dance together every night and in my heart she is the centre of it all Oh how blessed I am I thank my Jesus for my baby girl Motherhood It starts when they are in your belly and goes into eternity Motherhood is a beautiful thing

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